Sunday, July 15, 2012
My Dream of You
You were the beneficiary of the generosity of my brain.
I gave you the attributes that I sought;
Offering forgiveness when they didn't really show up.
Then, by being you, one too many times, I could no longer deny the incongruence.
And the dream of you was lost.
Do you do this with people? Expecting them to show up a certain way only to realize that those ways were all about the things you made up in your head; not about who they really were. I wrote this in Feb '11 and since then I've realized that I do this with a lot of people - I expect that they'll be a certain way and then find myself disapointed when they aren't. So, instead of making the same "mistake" twice, here's what I recommend:
1) Do I give up my expectations, my presumption of what people "should" be because they will be how they are regardless of my expectations? Do I just get over it? or
2) Do I re-define my expectations according to what a person's strengths and weaknesses are? Knowing that I shouldn't expect them to show up in their weak areas.
3) Do I hold fast to my expectations because they are reasonable? Are my expectations foundational to the standards I've set on how I want to be treated? Do they honor me?
There is no wrong answer but it's still hard to figure out the right one each time.