Monday, April 21, 2014

Another brick in the wall

In relationships, we often build walls between us and the ones we love. Those walls are made from solitary bricks representing the hurtful moments, the ones that create doubt, the ones that sting, the ones that say, "I don't believe in you" or "I don't love you.". They are usually hurled during one of those nasty, heated arguments flooded with all sorts of emotion.

They often feel like they came from out of nowhere, rocking the foundation of what you thought your partner thinks of you.

One thing is for certain. They can't be unsaid or unheard.

Those hurtful bricks float in the air once they are hurled, like bubbles waiting to pop, slowly descending until they find their place in the wall. And it we're not careful, the wall will get taller and deeper. Times fills the cracks like mortar. Eventually, you can't see over it, crawl over it, walk around it and you are lost to each other.

In any good relationship, you have to work purposefully at removing the bricks from the wall.

I find that when something is so hurtful, it ends up as a brick in the wall, I carry it with me beyond whatever discussion is at hand. So, I cut up cardboard "bricks" and whenever I feel like I'm "carrying around" a new brick in my head, I write that feeling down on the brick. This allows me to not continually mull it around and to get back to it when I'm not feeling as emotional. 

If I revisit "the brick" at a time when I'm calm, and coming from a place of love, I find that I can either chisel away at the brick or remove it altogether. I do this by presenting the brick and telling my partner what I heard. I only use the bricks when something was said that has long lasting detrimental effects to how vulnerable I can feel in my relationship. The brick serves as a signal to my partner of how important the topic is to me. What I've discovered through this process is that the odds are fairly high that either I've misunderstood whatever my partner was saying, I've misunderstood the degree of to which she meant it or I after the conversation I can put it in the "forgiveable" pile. 
Identify a brick and break down the wall.

Thursday, April 3, 2014

That mood.

Sometimes, it's enough to breathe.

Do you ever find yourself in that Mood. You know the one when you feel like you're oozing toxicity over every thing, thought, person you encounter. Like you need to put yourself in time out. You're not fit for man, nor beast and you wish someone would just find the off switch to the thoughts running around in your brain. You wish that you could disappear, go on a road trip and never come back. You wonder how everything was hunky-dory yesterday but today it's just one massive fail and regardless of how much you try to rein in your thoughts and feelings, they break free like a toddler giving you that evil smile that says, "I'll show you." You tell yourself that you can just create your reality because YOU KNOW YOU CAN create your own reality so it's clear that you are a failure for not being able to do it right now. After all, there are worse situations. Hell, you've been in worse situations. You should just be able to appreciate the moment. To love and celebrate the moment because you know you don't have an endless amount of moments left. You should be better. You should be a better parent, business partner, girlfriend, daughter, sister, friend, human being. Seriously. Pull it together. But. BUT! The toddler runs free again....with a jubilant victory laugh. 
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