Friday, November 7, 2014
Let me disabuse you of this notion.
This thought is like a disease eating away at your life.
This practice of believing and behaving is abusive. It's self abuse and it's what we're teaching our kids.
It's all a lie.
Everything is a choice.
Even the things you think aren't realistic.
The continuance of your very existence is a choice, so everything beyond that is a choice. All the things you define as realistic are just rules you've chosen to make up about what you should do and the way you should live.
This thought is so deeply ingrained in our framework for life that it's like an IV stuck in our vein, numbing us.
It keeps us brainwashed, thinking we should do what everyone else does.
It's keeps us on the treadmill, striving for mediocrity, hiding behind sameness, afraid of taking chances, terrified of being different.
It allows us to hide behind the feeling that we're doing the right thing, like we're doing what we should do.
It has NOTHING to do with happiness.
What it doesn't do is make you own your responsibility for your life.
I find that this belief is addictive. It's easy to be pulled back into it, to feel overwhelmed, to feel busy, to let the judgments of others about what I should do or how I should live creep into to my brain.
But I will not assimilate.
Thursday, October 16, 2014
But if you are determined to win forever with them, try to remember back to a time when THEY were what you wanted. Remember the thoughts. Remember the feeling. And instead of doing what you want to do, start first with, "Hey, what do you think about this? I want to get your input."
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
Monday, April 21, 2014
They often feel like they came from out of nowhere, rocking the foundation of what you thought your partner thinks of you.
One thing is for certain. They can't be unsaid or unheard.
Those hurtful bricks float in the air once they are hurled, like bubbles waiting to pop, slowly descending until they find their place in the wall. And it we're not careful, the wall will get taller and deeper. Times fills the cracks like mortar. Eventually, you can't see over it, crawl over it, walk around it and you are lost to each other.
In any good relationship, you have to work purposefully at removing the bricks from the wall.
I find that when something is so hurtful, it ends up as a brick in the wall, I carry it with me beyond whatever discussion is at hand. So, I cut up cardboard "bricks" and whenever I feel like I'm "carrying around" a new brick in my head, I write that feeling down on the brick. This allows me to not continually mull it around and to get back to it when I'm not feeling as emotional.
If I revisit "the brick" at a time when I'm calm, and coming from a place of love, I find that I can either chisel away at the brick or remove it altogether. I do this by presenting the brick and telling my partner what I heard. I only use the bricks when something was said that has long lasting detrimental effects to how vulnerable I can feel in my relationship. The brick serves as a signal to my partner of how important the topic is to me. What I've discovered through this process is that the odds are fairly high that either I've misunderstood whatever my partner was saying, I've misunderstood the degree of to which she meant it or I after the conversation I can put it in the "forgiveable" pile.
Identify a brick and break down the wall.
Thursday, April 3, 2014
Sometimes, it's enough to breathe.